I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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