You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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