drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
