I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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