we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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