just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
