We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your penis caused this!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
