Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize