I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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