I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize