So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
