Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
