i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
