We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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