i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
