its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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