I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
