Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize