accomplished twins. life is a go
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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