you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize