I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
