tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
