I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
