One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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