The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
