There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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