So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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