Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
