Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
