Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
