hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
