so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
