I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize