dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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