my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
