i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
