mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
