last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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