I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
