O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
