I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
