One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this will be a night to untag.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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