we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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