Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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