I need to stop coming to work sober
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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