We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize