how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize