I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
