I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
