Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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