I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize