it hurts more in the daytime
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
