Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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