can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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