come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
