The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
