so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
