You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
