Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
