one two three fourrrrnication!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
