i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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