remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
