Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
