He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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