I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize