so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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