we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
