So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
