what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't turn off my feet"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
