If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize