Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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