I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
