Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
