i don't like sucking hair
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
