I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
