So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
