There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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