i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
