are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
