i permit you to call me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
