I wish my penis had an off switch
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
