I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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