I can text with my tongue
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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