I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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