can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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